Lockdown – week 10

Posted on by Jodie Calvert

I can’t believe it’s been eight weeks since my previous blog; it generated some lovely feedback so I decided it is time to write an update.

It doesn’t feel like much has changed and I can’t believe that, after eight weeks of juggling kids and work, I’m still here and (just about!) sane. In the distant past, the idea of working at home if one of the kids was off school for a single day seemed a terrifying prospect! But, somehow, so many of us are now making it work for an extended period of time.

Challenges of the new routine

I’m still getting up super early (6am) to start my working day, to ‘bank’ some hours before the rest of the house wakes. I’ll then take a chunk of time off in the middle of the day with the kids before logging back on in the afternoon. The pattern is pretty flexible around my changing workload and meetings and seems to be working fairly well. The hardest part is remembering to take my non-working day (sounds crazy, but all days feel the same!) and not constantly returning to my laptop once I’ve officially logged off each day. Home and work seem to merge into one and it can be difficult to properly switch off, particularly when you’re busy and enjoying work.

If I’m honest, sometimes working is preferable to playing referee to the kids’ latest fall out, or hearing for the 849th time about the latest Minecraft house they’ve built… 🙂 Not to mention their motivation for doing school work is fading fast and it can be challenging some days to get them to be productive. They respond better to my husband than to me, so we often save the school work for when he’s taking a break from work or even tackle it after work or at weekends when time feels less stretched. I’ve definitely learnt to lower my expectations slightly so the pressure is lifted. That being said, it’s still really hard to constantly keep switching roles; it takes time to adjust from a challenging work conversation straight into identify-which-is-the-obtuse-angle mode. Some days my head is spinning; just about keeping my head above water, not doing a great job of either role, and counting down to the weekend so I can simply be ‘mum’. I’ve actually admired the way the kids have handled this whole situation though; they’re versatile beings, and have shown a greater understanding of social distancing than some people way beyond their early years!

Rollercoaster ride

All things considered, I’m coping reasonably well with the strange situation we find ourselves in, but there are certainly good days and bad days. The bad days are hard to explain; I feel consumed by an unexplained ‘quiet’ mood, with little motivation to do much. Thankfully it seems to only last a day or so and then disappear again, but does occur more frequently now than at the beginning of lockdown. Many people I’ve spoken to seem to feel the same. We’re social animals and it’s not normal for us to live life with such minimal contact with other people.

Another thing I feel frustrated about is that I love ‘ticking things off lists’ and, during the working week, my ability to do this is reduced. Juggling work and kids takes up most of the day, the kids are then staying up much later and I’m going to bed earlier so the evening (the time to be productive and get stuff done) becomes very short. I’m keeping a daily gratitude diary which is really helping as, no matter how bad things may seem, there is always something to be grateful for.

We’re all different and it’s good to talk

One thing I’ve learnt throughout this period is no two people’s circumstances are the same. I’ve heard many people say “I shouldn’t feel bad because so-and-so has it worse than me”; but, actually, comparing to others is completely futile as everyone’s experiences and struggles are valid. I’ve always been a ‘fixer’ with an immense desire to help people and I think that’s the main contributor to my occasional low moods; the feeling of helplessness and knowing exactly how much some people are struggling and even, in the worst cases, in danger. Just in the last week I’ve learnt about a friend saving their neighbour from a life of domestic violence and watched one of my own friends manage to turn around her desperate thoughts of thinking her family would be better off without her. These are extreme cases, of course, but they’re not as unusual as you might think.

It’s so important to check on people we care about – even the strongest of people are finding things tough. Recently at work we set aside 15 minutes for a ‘Tea & Talk’ team meeting where we all grabbed a hot drink and chatted about anything other than work. We chose to go round the table with a mental health ‘check in’ – it was enlightening to see how little you were aware of how colleagues were coping until you asked them outright. We’re going to make it a weekly thing, as everyone benefited from an opportunity to replace the ‘coffee machine’ casual chat we’re all missing out on.

Speaking of chatting, anyone who knows me will be well aware I’m not one for talking on the phone. I never have been – almost to the extent it’s a bit of a phobia of mine. During lockdown though, I’ve found myself surprisingly choosing phone (and even video!!) calls over texts more frequently. The other thing I’ve noticed is the increase in meaningful phone calls I’m making purely for the other person’s benefit, rather than for my own. Even if it’s only five minutes to call my dad to see how he is, or to let the kids FaceTime their grandparents, it means a lot to them. This weekend we saw my in-laws (from a distance) for the first time in ten weeks and the instant lift it gave both the kids and the in-laws was noticeable. I think this whole experience has made me a bit less selfish.

Kindness is everything

Overall, what has truly made me smile is the kindness people are showing each other. It seems to have brought out a human side in people that was sometimes hidden behind a mask, but everyone’s masks have slipped and we have re-prioritised what’s really important. Seeing a colleague’s kids appear on a work related Zoom call suddenly opens up a connection with them on a new level not previously experienced or deemed acceptable. We’re all embracing this as our new normal and there’s something very touching about it. This bizarre period of time is fascinating when viewed from a psychological or sociological viewpoint and I’m particularly interested in how life will be different post COVID-19. I hope we embrace lots of the positive improvements it’s introduced; slowing the pace down a little, realising what’s really important, looking after each other’s well-being and applying more flexibility and choice to our working lives.

I’d like to end by saying I feel extremely grateful to have an employer that is being so genuinely flexible, caring and supportive to all employees throughout this time. It certainly helps to reduce the stress and makes me feel immensely proud to say I work for HSBC.

Adapting to our new normal…

Posted on by Jodie Calvert

A blog about working through COVID-19

Where do I begin…?

The last few weeks have felt like some kind of strange parallel universe, with the world slowly getting worse before our very eyes. Every morning I wake up it takes about 60 seconds for my head to remind me of the situation we’re faced with; until then I am fooled into thinking it’s just another day.

Our family unit started isolating ten days ago as our son developed a cough so the new guidelines said we all had to stay at home for 14 days. Little did we know that by the end of this period our freedom as we know it would be stripped away and life would look very different. I’m not going to lie, I struggled big time last week. I was an emotional mess, crying at everything, and just not able to see how we could ever make this work (my husband also works in IT so we’re both working from home). We were trying to work our normal hours, thinking we could juggle the childcare at the same time, but that was hugely ambitious and it was clear something needed to change.

Over the weekend we did some thinking and put in to place a bit of a strategy for dealing with this situation that we’re unable to change or control. We’re trialling our new ways and, three days in, it’s a million times more productive (and less stressful) than last week was. I’d like to share a few things we put into place and a few lessons we’ve learned along the way so far. I’m seeing many people hit the same challenges, just a week later than we did.

Lessons I’ve learned about trying to work from home with young children (ours are age 8 & 5):

1) Don’t expect to work and home school your children at the same time – IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. You will do both things badly, damage your relationships and stress yourself out. The kids haven’t asked for this to happen so being constantly told to go away because you’re working isn’t fair on them.

2) After a chat with my line manager and my key stakeholders, I’ve chosen to front load my hours; getting up at 06:00 and working solidly until 10:00. This gets 4 hours of concentrated effort in and then I take time out with the kids for 2-3 hours (if meetings allow). I then make up the remaining hours across the afternoon or evening according to a) my schedule of meetings b) the timing/urgency of incoming requests or c) when my husband is available to cover – so the afternoon is very flexible.

3) If you have more than one child, they will need some time apart from each other for quiet time to avoid them killing each other! We are lucky to have two separate workspaces in our house (a desk in our study and a breakfast bar in the kitchen). In the study we’ve made it possible for one child to spend time beside one of us and the other to spend time elsewhere.

4) YouTube is your new best friend – if you can steer them away from watching other kids open surprise eggs (?!) then there is some really good educational content on there (PE with Joe Wicks at 9:00am is a particular favourite for our sporty kids!).

5) If our kids learn a few life skills or want to play fun board games instead of doing school work for a while then that’s absolutely fine with me, as long as they’re happy. We also enjoyed a lovely picnic in the garden in the sunshine together earlier, so it’s not all bad…

6) I have changed my Sametime and Jabber status to permanently say “I am juggling work and kids so please be patient ;)”.

7) I have put a permanent out of office message on to help set expectations for anyone that contacts me (approx. hours I’m working, how to contact me with urgent requests, ‘ping then ring’ approach for meetings where possible, and above all encouraging patience and understanding). I’ve had several comments about how helpful this has been!

8) I have block booked in my Outlook calendar when I am taking time out with the kids so that people know I’m not available to respond quickly or to attend meetings – I usually do this one day in advance, so we can communicate with the kids when they go to bed what the plan is for the next day in terms of dedicated time with me.

9) I’m very lucky that my job is flexible and allows me to do all these things, and that my kids are of a relatively self-sufficient age. If it’s harder for you, just have an honest conversation with your line manager about what might work best for you.

10) At least once during your day, reach out to someone you work with and ask if they’re ok. They will almost certainly thank you for it and, surprisingly often, they’re finding it tough – it’s good to talk.

11) People DO understand and are very patient; nobody minds if a child suddenly appears on a call because everyone is in the same boat. It’s a little surreal, but kind of nice in a way too!

Positives I’ve taken so far from this whole experience (I’m adding to this list every day!):

1) I actually like my family. Quite a lot. 🙂

2) I know some amazing people, who have demonstrated that they’re even more amazing than I already knew.

3) I am very proud to say I work for a compassionate, empathetic and caring organisation during such a difficult time. I feel lucky that our line of work shields us from the general public and means everything can continue without leaving these four walls (and the garden). I remind myself daily how much tougher it is for people in other careers that have so much worry yet have to be so brave and courageous right now.

4) The availability of technology to keep us connected is a truly wonderful thing, whether that be elderly relatives or school friends – seeing them turn their faces into pizza or rabbits and belly laugh is a joyful experience, and perfect entertainment for a while when trying to work!

5) Children are actually pretty resilient creatures. Whilst us adults carry the weight of this whole thing on our shoulders, the kids are having a great time behaving like they’re on an extended holiday! Long may that innocence continue.

6) There are times when the introvert and recluse in me actually quite likes being forced to be cut off from everything.

7) Avoiding the news for extended periods really helps your frame of mind – it is possible to switch off from the outside world and live in your little bubble quite happily.

8) More so than ever, Mindfulness has shown just how powerful it is as a coping mechanism.

9) I’m writing a diary every day throughout this experience as this is going to be a huge piece of history and will provide such an interesting insight to our younger generations.

10) There are definitely benefits to living in a slower paced world. It kind of feels like we’ve been building up to this moment for a while, with the world spinning too fast. Maybe after the sadness and turmoil, this whole experience will give us a better value of life, teach us to be kinder to one another, show us what fantastic communities we live in, and reset our way of thinking. The best things in life really are free – fresh air and exercise being two of those!

11) Never again will I take for granted the simple things in life; the school run, the football stadium roaring, a meal in a restaurant, a peaceful supermarket shop, spending time with relatives, a hug with a friend.

Our old life seems a distant memory now, as we adapt to living in our own little family bubble.

Stay safe. 🙂

About

Posted on by Jodie Calvert

My name is Jodie Calvert and here is a bit about me so you can decide whether you’d like to read on. I’m a 40-something wife and mother of two school age children; Tom and Lucy. I’m originally from Holmfirth but now live in the very beautiful north of Sheffield, on the edge of the Peak District. I work in the financial services industry for a large organisation, in the world of employee engagement and internal communications, which I enjoy very much.

I have an academic background in both psychology and IT and a deep passion for understanding people and behaviour. I am a keen runner, and a slightly obsessed Huddersfield Town fanatic.

Random other things I enjoy in no particular order: music and live gigs, grammar, sunshine, reading, spreadsheets, coffee and cake.

I started blogging in October 2019 and following some positive feedback decided to publish my ramblings on here; feel free to read, comment or share. Enjoy!

The Journey Begins…

Posted on by Jodie Calvert

Growing up, I always kept a diary. I have loads of them in a box somewhere in the loft.

Until recently I’d never given it much thought, but I really used to enjoy the reflection time and getting my thoughts down on paper. It was quite therapeutic. Last week, for the first time in years, I had a real urge to capture some thoughts that were buzzing around in my head and I decided to just start typing and see where it took me.

The result was what is now my first blog post entitled ‘My Blended Life’. I have a feeling there may be more days like that where I’m compelled to write stuff down so I thought I might as well have a space to record them. So here we are…the journey begins!

Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world.

Robert McKee

post

Work life balance

My Blended Life

Aside | Posted on by Jodie Calvert

Ten years ago I never envisaged a time when I could work so flexibly.

Fifteen years ago I never envisaged a time when I would have children.

But strangely, today, both of those things are part of my life in a way that is extremely fulfilling.

I have two children – aged five and eight years old – and the youngest has just started her full time education. For the past eight years I have either been on maternity leave or working key time hours (either 3 or 4 days per week in various phases). I could have gone back full time from last month, but that was never really on my radar. Why? Because life is busy enough. I already feel like there aren’t enough hours in a week to get everything done; working, family time, a hundred kids’ activities, exercise, household chores, whatever it may be. We’re lucky enough to be in a position financially where I don’t need to return full time.

I started a new role as ‘UK Tech Engagement Lead’ in August which means I often have to travel or be involved in off-sites or events that I’ve helped to organise. These could fall on any day of the week so my old working pattern of a fixed day off seemed a little too rigid but also now completely unnecessary. In addition to this, I craved a flexibility in my working pattern that would allow me to sometimes work shorter days to have the advantage of picking the kids up from school. I spoke with my line manager and explained my situation and proposed the benefits of working completely flexibly; straight away he agreed and with immediate effect my time was effectively my own to manage. The rules are simple – I work my 28 hours per work as I see fit to best get the job done.

There are challenges of course but, so far, nothing I’ve been unable to overcome. For example, it can make home life a little more unpredictable, and my husband often bears the brunt of that! It can be difficult to juggle calendar availability from week to week when planning work meetings. It also sometimes feels a little strange logging off at 3pm when everyone is still working. But attitudes are changing. Our working lives are changing. Society is changing.

This agreement is not only hugely beneficial to me and my family but it’s beneficial to my team and HSBC as they get total flexibility in return. Additionally, my loyalty and motivation is sky high because I know I’m completely trusted. I recently had a colleague express concern that I sometimes send emails late at night but I assured her that late night email probably helped to enable me to pick the kids up later that week, or go for a slightly longer lunchtime run whilst the sun was shining. My work-life balance is thriving in a way I never thought possible until recently.

Just this week I spent my traditional ‘day off’ travelling to London to accompany the UK CIO in a meeting. Fast forward 24 hours and you’d find me spending the morning at my kids’ school enjoying cake at their Macmillan coffee morning and then observing one of their spelling lessons (kudos to all teachers – there is a job I could not do!). The experience of seeing them learning in their natural classroom environment was just priceless and I’m acutely aware that it’s a privilege that not many working parents are lucky enough to have.

Juggling work and home life can be hard at times but I truly believe that my organisation is better than most at making it easier for us. There are so many options for you to explore if you’re willing to find them and ask the question.