I can’t believe it’s been eight weeks since my previous blog; it generated some lovely feedback so I decided it is time to write an update.

It doesn’t feel like much has changed and I can’t believe that, after eight weeks of juggling kids and work, I’m still here and (just about!) sane. In the distant past, the idea of working at home if one of the kids was off school for a single day seemed a terrifying prospect! But, somehow, so many of us are now making it work for an extended period of time.

Challenges of the new routine

I’m still getting up super early (6am) to start my working day, to ‘bank’ some hours before the rest of the house wakes. I’ll then take a chunk of time off in the middle of the day with the kids before logging back on in the afternoon. The pattern is pretty flexible around my changing workload and meetings and seems to be working fairly well. The hardest part is remembering to take my non-working day (sounds crazy, but all days feel the same!) and not constantly returning to my laptop once I’ve officially logged off each day. Home and work seem to merge into one and it can be difficult to properly switch off, particularly when you’re busy and enjoying work.

If I’m honest, sometimes working is preferable to playing referee to the kids’ latest fall out, or hearing for the 849th time about the latest Minecraft house they’ve built… 🙂 Not to mention their motivation for doing school work is fading fast and it can be challenging some days to get them to be productive. They respond better to my husband than to me, so we often save the school work for when he’s taking a break from work or even tackle it after work or at weekends when time feels less stretched. I’ve definitely learnt to lower my expectations slightly so the pressure is lifted. That being said, it’s still really hard to constantly keep switching roles; it takes time to adjust from a challenging work conversation straight into identify-which-is-the-obtuse-angle mode. Some days my head is spinning; just about keeping my head above water, not doing a great job of either role, and counting down to the weekend so I can simply be ‘mum’. I’ve actually admired the way the kids have handled this whole situation though; they’re versatile beings, and have shown a greater understanding of social distancing than some people way beyond their early years!

Rollercoaster ride

All things considered, I’m coping reasonably well with the strange situation we find ourselves in, but there are certainly good days and bad days. The bad days are hard to explain; I feel consumed by an unexplained ‘quiet’ mood, with little motivation to do much. Thankfully it seems to only last a day or so and then disappear again, but does occur more frequently now than at the beginning of lockdown. Many people I’ve spoken to seem to feel the same. We’re social animals and it’s not normal for us to live life with such minimal contact with other people.

Another thing I feel frustrated about is that I love ‘ticking things off lists’ and, during the working week, my ability to do this is reduced. Juggling work and kids takes up most of the day, the kids are then staying up much later and I’m going to bed earlier so the evening (the time to be productive and get stuff done) becomes very short. I’m keeping a daily gratitude diary which is really helping as, no matter how bad things may seem, there is always something to be grateful for.

We’re all different and it’s good to talk

One thing I’ve learnt throughout this period is no two people’s circumstances are the same. I’ve heard many people say “I shouldn’t feel bad because so-and-so has it worse than me”; but, actually, comparing to others is completely futile as everyone’s experiences and struggles are valid. I’ve always been a ‘fixer’ with an immense desire to help people and I think that’s the main contributor to my occasional low moods; the feeling of helplessness and knowing exactly how much some people are struggling and even, in the worst cases, in danger. Just in the last week I’ve learnt about a friend saving their neighbour from a life of domestic violence and watched one of my own friends manage to turn around her desperate thoughts of thinking her family would be better off without her. These are extreme cases, of course, but they’re not as unusual as you might think.

It’s so important to check on people we care about – even the strongest of people are finding things tough. Recently at work we set aside 15 minutes for a ‘Tea & Talk’ team meeting where we all grabbed a hot drink and chatted about anything other than work. We chose to go round the table with a mental health ‘check in’ – it was enlightening to see how little you were aware of how colleagues were coping until you asked them outright. We’re going to make it a weekly thing, as everyone benefited from an opportunity to replace the ‘coffee machine’ casual chat we’re all missing out on.

Speaking of chatting, anyone who knows me will be well aware I’m not one for talking on the phone. I never have been – almost to the extent it’s a bit of a phobia of mine. During lockdown though, I’ve found myself surprisingly choosing phone (and even video!!) calls over texts more frequently. The other thing I’ve noticed is the increase in meaningful phone calls I’m making purely for the other person’s benefit, rather than for my own. Even if it’s only five minutes to call my dad to see how he is, or to let the kids FaceTime their grandparents, it means a lot to them. This weekend we saw my in-laws (from a distance) for the first time in ten weeks and the instant lift it gave both the kids and the in-laws was noticeable. I think this whole experience has made me a bit less selfish.

Kindness is everything

Overall, what has truly made me smile is the kindness people are showing each other. It seems to have brought out a human side in people that was sometimes hidden behind a mask, but everyone’s masks have slipped and we have re-prioritised what’s really important. Seeing a colleague’s kids appear on a work related Zoom call suddenly opens up a connection with them on a new level not previously experienced or deemed acceptable. We’re all embracing this as our new normal and there’s something very touching about it. This bizarre period of time is fascinating when viewed from a psychological or sociological viewpoint and I’m particularly interested in how life will be different post COVID-19. I hope we embrace lots of the positive improvements it’s introduced; slowing the pace down a little, realising what’s really important, looking after each other’s well-being and applying more flexibility and choice to our working lives.

I’d like to end by saying I feel extremely grateful to have an employer that is being so genuinely flexible, caring and supportive to all employees throughout this time. It certainly helps to reduce the stress and makes me feel immensely proud to say I work for HSBC.